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So... HAI.

It's been a while and I've let a lot of my paid features go by the wayside. TBH, I just haven't had a lot of time online, and Facebook and Twitter work fantastically for my short attention span.

But, I'm still around here from time to time, especially for moments like these.

Not much has changed with me, still the same idealistic, tries-to-hard-to-help-others at my own expense, impulsive self. Same cycles - love, burn, move on. And put on more weight, but if there's one thing I know, it's that each bullshit moment is temporary.

Things at work are awesome; I really dig my job and I'm happy living on the river and totally stoked to be in Daytona.

Sparky temporarily moved in with me in June and told me Sunday that he's moving closer to Orlando. Was really pissed off about that, but then I remembered the serenity prayer:

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.



Which means if someone's going to be the same old flaky dumbass, there's nothing I can do about it - or rather, I shouldn't even bother trying to change it.

On the other hand, I have my own healing to do, and I'm doing my best to let go of others' issues and focusing on myself.

Hope things are good with you all. Hope people still use LJ.

Random LOL picture

This picture randomly cracked me up - check out the guy in the background :)

Extra points to anyone who can give it a winning macro caption!




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Looking forward to a prosperous, peaceful and immensely positive New Year, and wishing the very best to you and your loved ones :)

If you're going out tomorrow night, please be careful out there and be safe! I'll be in Orlando partying the rest of this year out and getting ready to have a great New Year! 2009 is going to be amazing... it's just gotta be.

Reminder - you are welcome (and encouraged!) to add anything to the Burning Bowl post. I'm going to print it off tomorrow and do a proper ceremony :)



My love to you ♥
- K
This morning I had the pleasure and honor to run the Run To The Sun annual race, benefiting Camp Boggy Creek!

It was a gorgeous day to run, filled with the great company - families, runners, and some of the camp kids - lots of smiles and FOOD, YAY! Gotta love free food at races :)

We started out on a side street and ran up to the big bridge over the river, and thank goodness the race *started* with the biggie and didn't end with it. Suffice to say, it was an excellent workout! It was 4 miles and we went over 2 bridges, and I was VERY happy that I didn't finish last :P I tend to go into races thinking I'd be the last jogger, and of course that's never the case.

There are several things that make me immensely grateful today:

I Am still capable of running 4 miles
... and shaved 4 minutes off of my 4 mile run! A RUN WITH BRIDGES!

The breathtaking view over the bridge as we crossed the river made the moment unforgettable. Whenever we drive over the bridge, Pat always takes a deep breath and says how happy and thankful she is to be living here in such beauty, and she's absolutely right.

I have sneakers, running clothes, two good running bras and a nifty pair of running socks that made the run as enjoyable as it was.

That the run was enjoyable! Running can be and still is a challenge, but I always knock it out and feel great when I'm done.

That I live here to do an outdoor run at the end of November in a t-shirt and comfy pants and not freeze my nipples off.

That although I'd love to run to music (or have a functioning music player for that matter), I can still knock it out by thinking about good things, why I'm doing this, and Who is ultimately behind my wheel. I Am so grateful to the Most High for being with me always.


Yesterday I had the blessed opportunity to volunteer all day feeding homeless people, prepping lunch and dinner and feeding a few hundred people and their families. It's a great experience in gaining perspective on life and (especially at this time of year) realizing how good we have it, and where we all fit in the grand scheme of things.

One of the other vulunteers and I talked for a while about the people we serve and how it's not just about making mistakes and fucking up with drugs or whatever - hey, *LIFE* happens, and shit happens out of our control and some people just get it worse than others.

A few days ago, I was working with a co-worker distrubuting materials about the college's adult education programs (GED, English as a Second Language, etc) to some of the homes and services that help people getting out of a rough situation - prison, drugs, abuse, etc. - and again, I'm so fortunate to have an opportunity to contribute to something.

I enjoy my job, I work with good people, it's a good environment, my skills and abilities are being utilized and when I heard how many *hundreds* of applicants there were, I was brought right back to where I needed to be in consciousness.

There's always something to be grateful for!


And though, like the 6 billion people I share this experience with, I have my own issues, I know and feel the Truth when I'm receptive.

I'd like to keep working on maintaining perspective, staying focued, minimizing excessiveness (in EVERY facet of my life) and moving forward.

But most of all, I'd like to continually remember that money is ultimately infinite, moving from one hand to the next and on and on. It certainly isn't the answer to all of life's problems and is not the way to happiness.

... granted, it'd be nice to have a butt-load of it, though ;)


The holidays are approaching, and you deserve all the good that this world has to offer! Hope you are enjoying the season ♥

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Happy Thanksgiving, everyone!

Wishing you all the very best and happiest day to share with those you care about :) Hope you get to eat lots of fantastic food, get to relax a bit and...

... GO COWBOYS! :P

I am immensely blessed and highly grateful to have every one of you in this life with me. You make the world a shinier, more love-filled place, and I am fortunate beyond measure to know you.

All my love and best wishes to you ♥

Thinking prosperous thoughts

I hope this update finds you all healthy, happy and well!

Things are going well, been working long hours in the office to try to absorb as much as I can in this new job. I typically get in a little after 7am and stay until 6pm or so, either working directly with students or studying my notes. I've got a notebook full of notes that I've typed up, and I keep them updated regularly. I finally got to sort them out into categories, but there's still more and more to learn! My co-workers remind me that it takes months to master the material, but I already feel a bit behind, so I'm doing my best to catch up.

So much to learn!

With a new job, new schedule and tons of change, it's easy to fall into old habits and get stuck mentally, physically and nutritionally. I try to get out of bed and out of the door before 6:15 so I can work out and get to the office early, and some days I'm successful. Still working on building that habit to make it more permanent.

There are some days I get dragged down and think WAY too far ahead, letting concern temporarily disrupt my perspective. But then again I'm reminded that life is dynamic and ever-changing, and if I can find this great opportunity in this state and this town, then I Am capable of bringing more and more great things into my life. Things got pretty scary for me and by Grace I got through it, just as it has always been. I've been blessed and fortunate to always have enough to get by, so now I want to shift gears and prepare myself mentally for bounty, increased prosperity and infinite good - and for it to come now! :)


* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *


Okie, that's all for an update for now - I've got a question for you all :)


I'd LOVE to hear your response, and feel free to go into as little or as much detail as you please! Here goes:


If ONE MILLION DOLLARS came into your life TODAY (free and clear, brought to you through ethical means with NO strings attached), what would you do with the money, and what would you do with your life?


I can't wait to read your responses :) :) :)

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WE'VE GOT OUR COUNTRY BACK :)

::HUGE hug to everyone to Flist::

::HUGE hug to everyone - EVERYONE who voted::



::ENORMOUS HUGE HUG to any and everyone who has ever believed in anything and witnessed the miracle of possibilities::



So much love to all ♥



AND!

PARTY AT aurora_z's!

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Yay good work!

Weekends are a great opportunity to slack off and wear whatever I want to, and since I'm using up all my good clothes during the week for work, I love wearing goodies when I can :) Today's a good day to wear my Dumbledore t-shirt :)

I'm at the library and goofing around on the computer, woo! I'm still waiting for access at work, which I'll get Tuesday afternoon. In the meantime, I've enjoyed shadowing my co-workers and learning as much as I can about my job and the different functions I'll be doing. I've literally had to learn 3 different roles, since I'll be interchangeable and gotta be cross trained. My official training starts on Thursday, but I want to be as prepared as humanly possible.

I've been working long days, which means by the time I get home, I'm not feeling particularly inclined to study. But, I get some in here and there and every little bit helps.

So far things are going well, and I'm VERY fortunate and blessed to be in a positive work environment and work with good people. Everyone's been helpful, friendly and informative and I look forward to getting *REALLY* good at the job and doing whatever and everything I can to assist our students in succeeding.

It's a wonderful opportunity and I've been given a chance to network and get to know a load of people on campus. I've been studying a list of everyone I've met along with my work-related study notes, and luckily it's sinking in. Remembering people has a HUGE impact - people love when you remember their names and something about them!

And the good word tends to make it's way to the boss's ears :)


Every now and then I catch myself having to hold back happy tears, because when I think of how TRULY amazing this all happened, it overwhelms me. To think of the change in consciousness that has happened in the past month, to think of what I was ready to do and how I was bracing myself... I'm SOOOO thankful that I don't have to worry about that.

My boss and I met with two of our provosts (from 2 of our campuses) and were talking about budget cuts and stuff, and my boss turned around and said to me that I don't have to worry, that my job is an essential position and though there's a hiring freeze, my spot NEEDED to get filled. Later that night after the open house, she pulled me aside and thanked me for the initiatives I've been taking and gave me good feedback so far about my job performance. She'd like me to be a bit more direct with our prospective students (ie: Instead of saying "please fill this out", tell them, "The next step is to fill this out"). It'll be a great chance to work on my assertiveness which, to be honest, has taken a hit over the past few months so I'm glad I've got the chance to strengthen these skills.


Luckily I was able to get in two workouts this week, which beats last week's efforts. I decided to let go this week and forgive myself for bad nutritional decisions and just splurge. It's not the greatest decision, but I remember that the week before I quit smoking and quit gaining weight, I just had it out and became successful.

Things were icky after I quit marathon training and even ickier after I started at Taco Bell, and I'm reminded that often in life, we go through cycles and sometimes progress by taking two steps forward and one step back. It's also reminded me that though I developed good habits, there's still something inside of me that needs to continually be kept in check. The girl can lose the weight, but she's still the same person fundamentally and she's still got the same thoughts and tendencies. The difference is how she deals with them and the different coping mechanisms she employs.

It's been a challenging year for all of us, and I'm no exception. I recognize that I did the best I could, and thank God I've got my friends who carried me through it. Never in my life had I felt so helpless, and now that I'm up and functioning again (and with some better habits, and some that need strengthening), I've got a fantastic opportunity to get this fresh start progressing. There's still a LOT I want to do, but right now focusing on kicking ass at my new job and eating normally would make me *very* happy.


I Am SOOOO happy and grateful that I'm living here and that this job found it's way to me. It's just bizarre when I think about how it came to me - that I *randomly* filled out the job application online at the library one day, how I felt I BOMBED the first interview (and, that same day, went into McDonald's - who were too busy to interview me! - and Taco Bell looking for work - NO LIE.), kept praying for a good job to come my way, how I got the follow-up call and second interview, how they started me WAY early and how the offer came my way PLUS how quickly they took me on... mind-boggling.

So I must be doing something right! :P




voldiebeth - I got your message about The Crystal Ball and gave it some serious thought. Since I won't be running the marathon that weekend - and also since I'm on vacation from work, YAY!!!!! - I thought I might come up there.

However, I want to see hak42, praetorianguard, and all you rock stars running the Disney Marathon - especially since I gave my word that I'll be there :P

I can't wait to see you all and cheer you on as you run your asses off! Hope to join you in a race soon :)

...speaking of which, anyone know how I can cancel my registration?

Also - lord__voldemort! Are ya gonna swing by and visit us that weekend?

Okie doke, gotta log off the computer and head out! It's Biketoberfest here, so there's a lot going on in town - certainly makes things interesting :)


Hugs to you guys ♥

There is always hope

This week I found a great piece of advice: Truth is greater than facts.

It's hard, y'all. This is a difficult time for all of us, for our country and for our world. I keep that in perspective, and while I know that there's the perfect job at the perfect pay available to me right now, this week I fell back into self-destructive habits. Luckily I did most of my workouts, but my nutrition hasn't been too great, and today it was horrid.

I'm trying to learn more and more about moving forward through this time, and I know that there are some changes that have to happen in consciousness. There are some habits I need to work on.

But also, I learned that instead of joking about having Attention Deficit Disorder, I really want to work on living with it and working through it (especially without medication).

I started doing a Personal Inventory journal - entries where I'd hold myself accountable for the things I noticed I was doing and what I should do to catch myself on when it's A.D.D. related. But since it's a new habit, I got into it at first and then it kinda got pushed aside.

It's interesting how I'm getting less done than I did when I was slap-ass crazy, buried neck-deep and working my ass off. Like the saying goes - if you want something done, give it to a busy person.

Last week I had two excellent job interviews and I applied for another job at the university, in an office I worked in while I attended. Again, gotta be practical - there's a LOT of catching up that I've got to do, and dammit at this point I need to work.

If offered, I may accept a job that ... hell I might not even be able to talk about it yet. It could be a great possibility that could open many doors... gotta be open-minded.

Also, the garden was too much for me. My basil's still thriving and the mint's doing okay, but I wasn't able to keep up with it and it's out of control. I had to mow over 75% of it today.

Again, A.D.D. I got head-over-heels into something and then can't keep up with it.

I just pray to God that I'll be able to hold onto my car and keep the cats. Pat and I talked about "what-if" stuff (like what happens if I can't catch up on my rent, keep my car, feed myself, etc) - of course, the last-resort type thinking that is the product of being afraid - and she, in true fashion, was supportive and kind. I got a HUGE-ass thing of dry cat food for a great deal and some more wet food, so that should hold us down for a bit. If I have to use dirt in the litterbox for a bit until I have an income, than so be it. I want to keep them; they're my angels.


I want to be positive and stay optimistic, but it's been MONTHS since I've worked and it's a bitch getting myself motivated to work out, stay positive AND keep my mind focused, calm and peaceful.



However, I'm at a friend's house visiting with her lovely elderly mom, who has alzheimer's. She's in pretty good mental shape and can get herself around and entertained, and she's wonderful company. We've been chatting, doing some artwork and just keeping each other company. It's a great way to keep my mind from becoming a clusterfuck. I stayed here last night and will be here again tonight, and pray I get on her treadmill and hammer out my scheduled 8-mile run. Hey, if I do, WOOO HOO!!!! And if not, I'll get my ass on there and get as far as I can.

It's interesting - when I get running, I have been pushing myself because if I'm going my usual pace, I get bored. So, I run, I pray, and I push myself just a little bit harder than I normally would. BUT! Only on my short runs. I wouldn't dare do this on my long runs.

You know, I'll just go ahead and admit it. I've done a few drugs and I've been drunk. Drugs are no longer part of my life and I don't drink excessively anymore. As fun as those experiences were and as great as they may have felt, nothing beats a runner's high.

Nothing.

* * *

In other news, I had a dream I was in Australia visiting jolly_oddness and we had a party! We were dancing, doing some cool crafty stuff and I think I did all of the cooking, which of course made me happy :)




Right, now I'm going to make the trip back to the house to get my camera cable so I can get my pics from my camera to the computer and print them off. We're making cards for Pat, Peg and Jackie :) We took some cute pictures and will put some artwork in the cards - they're "we missed you and glad you're home" cards, awe :)



Everything's gonna be okay. I know that.




There's ALWAYS hope.



Always.

Wishing for a complaint-free lifestyle!

Yesterday in church, our minister handed out bracelets from A Compaint Free World.org, and the idea is to wear it on one wrist for 21 consecutive days until a complaint-free habit is established. If we find ourselves complaining, we're supposed to switch the bracelet to the other wrist :P

It reminds me of something I read in In The Flow of Life by Eric Butterworth. He mentioned that a minister asked for a ring with a statement that he could refer to in all times, and that the statement be brief.

That statement is popular, and it has been referred to in several other books I've read and taken bits of to become part of my pattern of thinking.

The statement is "This too shall pass"

So, this bracelet is akin to that ring, to the engraving on the emerald tablet and to the idea. All things are temporary, except for the idea of creation and that creative thinking - infused with hope and faith - which empowers us to transcend any and all things.

It's another idea that is simple, yet perhaps not necessarily easy. But it is truth, and there's no good in losing hope.

I thought about how human beings are the *ONLY* species intelligent enough to give up. Every other living thing has a survival instinct, and isn't equipped to complain when things are difficult (except for cats maybe :P).

Yesterday morning I did my long run - an entire 6 miles. I've been sorta dreading this run for quite some time, and though I've been building up my endurance, I doubted if I could actually do it.

The run started a bit more difficult than most. I was carrying doubts of my ability to finish, and I kept rationalizing that I was feeling weak in spirit. Plus, even though I did a warm-up run and went to the bathroom before I started, I had to go again about a mile into the run. Thank God there is a wonderful little cafe on the road I ran down and they were kind enough to let me in. I want to grab breakfast in there when I can swing it.

I kept reminding myself to just take it one step at a time. Get to the nearest landmark and see if I can keep going. It was hard, and the sun was already up, which meant I was sweating like hell and wearing down.

But I did it. After months of wondering whether or not I'm capable of a 6-mile run, the question is answered and of course, the response is YES.

YES I CAN!

Every day I have to find the strength to get through, and it's there. I'm so grateful for the conditioning and the environment I'm in, and it's going to pay off.



Okay I'm about to get booted off the computer at the library, but I wanted to add a quick note.


The past year has been... it's been what it's been.

But I want to apologize to you, because I can be a better friend and I want to. I'm sorry I've been a bit self-involved, and I hope to work on it with you.

As always, I am sending my love ♥