| [ |
mood |
| |
 happy |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
"Wish I Didn't Miss You" by Angie Stone (BANGIN' SONG!!!!) |
] |
Every day I wake up and give gratitude for another day and opportunities, and I say surrender prayers to let go and let higher consciousness take over the temporary thoughts of small mind.
Every day it takes a little something extra to get moving, and though I spent an extra hour in bed (granted my alarm time was off, but I *did* naturally wake at 6AM), I got up before I had to and got my daily routine going. First thing's first - clean up the cat's area, feed them, give them some love and get my breakfast prepared (I eat breakfast before running at the university, but on weekends I'll have a quick snack before hitting the road. This is another habit I'd like to possibly standardize, but for now I'm happy that I'm getting my ass moving when I get out of bed).
I remind myself and give gratitude for the blessings I have now, especially that I'm living in a home with two wonderful roommates, that I still have my car, that I have food to eat and that all of my needs are met and exceeded. There are more things that I *want*, but being thankful for what I already have is of major importance now.
I've been having some weird dreams which seem indistinguishable from reality. The colors, the tone, the subject... it's more stuff my mind wants closure to. Strangely enough, it's not anything immediately pressing, but it's rooted in love and letting go.
Thankfully immediately after that one I dreamed that I got the job I interviewed for on Tuesday, so that made me feel great! My mind's ready for the work, now we just gotta wait for the offer! It's coming :)
As for running and conditioning, I cranked out a 4-mile run today at the gym. My iPod is so dead it won't even take a charge, so thank goodness I'm past needing pounding music in my ears to get through a run (I needed it SO badly when I started and when I had to start up again after I moved back here). So I plug my ear buds into the deal on the treadmill and watch/listen to cooking shows :P
Though each run is challenging (still learning to enjoy them), it's a good practice in visualizing and keeping faith in myself. The end of the run is always euphoric, and it reminds me that it's just as important to be thankful, happy and positive in good times as it is in the harder ones (...like before runs!).
My nutrition was good yesterday, which made up for the REALLY bad decisions I made the day before. I keep finding myself going out of control when I have a small indulgence, and it's a reminder that I'm not at the same point I was when I was losing 2 pounds per week consistently. I can't go under calories after a bad day, I just gotta stick to my program, leave the bad days in the past and let it fucking GO. So again, I'm re-learning that if I can say no to temptations ONCE, I can say no to them the rest of the day.
It's still important to have indulgences every now and then, but for my personality type, I should have a designated day once a week, and to be mindful about what I'm eating.
When this first started, I wanted to work on building better mental habits (after all, it starts in mind first!) to strengthen my resolve for this massive life change. Thank God I have kept off the 100 pounds I lost and lost more on top of that, but now is about finishing what I started and maintain this for the rest of my life. And even if I'm going through a huge transition accompanied by doubt, depression, anxiety, stomach bullshit, I can still take care of myself and allow good to shine through more and more each day.
The light shines in the darkness, even more so in the pitch black. I was outside one night in the garden (which will be bountiful next year!) and I realized how brilliantly the stars shine against the black sky, especially just before sunrise. I love getting up before the sun and meeting the day before it does :) When I run outside on the weekends, I head east first so I can watch the sun come up and greet me and the tree frogs, lizards and bugs that are awake and active with me. It's a great experience in being One with everything, always, all the time.
There are a few daily practices I'm using to keep the blues from overtaking my mind. Again, the thoughts cross my mind (and are persistent) and though I can't necessarily stop them from floating around, I can stop them from spreading, overwhelming me and making me forget who I really Am and what I Am capable of (and what I've already accomplished).
First of all, I give gratitude. It's so important to keep things in perspective - after all, I have a home, I Am fed, I Am loved, I Am physically strong, I Am smart, I Am free, I live in a beautiful place with great people, I have transportation and I have an education. There are a vast multitude of additional things as well!
Secondly, I've been reminding myself how important it is to keep faith in myself, to love and accept myself, and to take credit for my accomplishments. It's my feet hitting the ground (or treadmill) each run, it's me putting the right food in my body, it's me doing the prayer work and smiling. I look in the mirror and say, "I love you. I accept you unconditionally. I am proud of you."
Being mindful of inner peace helps as well. By "remembering to remember", I can stop the spread of "what if" thinking and immerse myself in the present moment.
How awesome - I'm listening to Pandora and I created an India Arie station, and this great song just came on :)
( 'There's Hope' (lyrics) by India.Arie )
After I run I always feel amazing. I feel full of hope, joy, gratitude and positive energy. I know the feeling is genuine, and though it is marvelous, I also know that it will eventually wear off, thanks to life's continual stimulation. Until I reach full and perfect enlightenment, I will always be human and have human thoughts and reactions.
However, I know ultimate truth, and I know there's still so much more to do in this life, and it's lived one day at a time, one moment at a time.
I think about other people I know and admire, and what would they do or say if I asked them how they get through their day.
I think of amazing mothers like ![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) tapestrymlp and notmonica, who are two of the strongest, positive, loving, adaptive and intelligent people I know.
I think of my friend Cassia at church, who came to this country pregnant and fought every day to stay in the U.S., be with her husband and stay strong in her faith.
I think of generalmanda and how powerfully dense that woman is in awesome! She plows through SO much and makes it look easy (and we all know it's NOT) and has such a great way with people.
I think of Peg, Rob, my uncle Richie and everyone I know and admire for their fight and victories over cancer, and how lucky the world is to have such strong survivors.
I think of Winston Churchill, Sojourner Truth, Martin Luther King, Mohandas Ghandi, Jesus, the apostles and Paul, and the extra efforts they continually put in, their resolve, their timeless contributions and the amount of love and hope they gave us all.
I think of my grandfather who fought every day of his life to make things better for everyone he loved. I think how, despite everything, he had the power to love and let love into his life. I think about how hard he worked so his family could prosper. Selflessly, in his last moments, he waited for all of us to let him go, and didn't go until several of us told him that it was okay.
I'm so happy and thankful that infinite blessings and amazing people have shared their lives, stories and dreams with me, and I want to go as far as my skills, abilities and attitude will take me. And when I can't flap my wings, I feel lifted by the love and good fortune I've had in this life, and it picks me up and gets me moving.
Thank you all for being part of this life and experience with me, and may our present and futures be as marvelous as we are :) ♥
|
